


Alone on Christmas?

by LessonsFromMoths



Series: Sterek All The Time (lots of one shots) [30]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Accountant Derek, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Bartender Stiles, Christmas, Craigslist, Dating, Derek wants his family to get off his back, Derek's family is a bit close-minded, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family can suck, Felon Stiles, Fluffy, M/M, Meet-Cute, New Year's Eve, Recovering alcoholic Stiles (not elaborated on), Strangers, Stripper Stiles, The Hale Family, based off of a real Craigslist ad, someone teach me how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22094977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LessonsFromMoths/pseuds/LessonsFromMoths
Summary: Derek found himself typing up an email to the 25-year-old felon. It was oddly professional.To whom it may concern,I stumbled across your Craigslist ad today and would like to offer you a temporary position as my boyfriend this Christmas. My name is Derek Hale (link to my employee profile below) and I am a 32-year-old accountant. I will be spending this Christmas with my family in Palo Alto, and I am chronically single. In order to avoid the awkward, “When are you going to find a nice person to settle down with?” talk, I would love it if you could accompany me to my family reunion.Cordially,Derek HaleHe blankly stared at the screen as a little message icon popped up, letting him know that his message had been sent. Then he panicked and texted Erica.>Please tell me that I didn’t just do what I think I just did.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Sterek All The Time (lots of one shots) [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/442444
Comments: 76
Kudos: 1003





	Alone on Christmas?

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Seul pour Noël ?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199100) by [CrazyGoldenWolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyGoldenWolf/pseuds/CrazyGoldenWolf)



> I actually starting writing this fic in 2018, but it took me forever to finish it. Even then, it's still two days late! Oh well. I wrote this instead of updating my other fic, which you should check out if you like ghosts and actual haunted houses (and Sterek, there is always Sterek). 
> 
> This is a bit flighty, as are most of my fics, so just sit back and enjoy without trying to analyze it too much lol.
> 
> This fic is based off of a real Craigslist ad that seems to make its rounds across the internet every year!
> 
> I hope you enjoy and have a wonderful 2020.

_Alone on Thanksgiving/Christmas? Mad at your relatives? Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you’re still single? About how your parents really want more grandchildren? Well, look no further!_

_I am a 25-year-old felon with a G.E.D. and a very old and dirty baby blue jeep I treat like my own child even though it’s five years older than me. I can play anywhere between the ages of 18 and 30 depending on what I wear and if I shave. I’m a bartender and an honest-to-god stripper, and I work late nights at my two bars. If you’d like me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you to torment or trick your family, I’m game._

_I can do the following at your request:_

_-Openly hit on other guests while you act like you don’t notice  
-Start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion  
-Propose to you in front of everyone  
-Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, I don’t drink, but I used to. A lot. Too much, in fact. I know the drill)  
-Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see_

_I require no pay but the free meal I will receive as a guest!_

_Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.  
Picture emailed by request!_

When Derek first looked at the ad, he wanted to laugh. Erica had sent it to him as a joke, and it is pretty funny. Except the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the offer was pretty sincere. And he was always being badgered about being single. And he wasn’t _mad_ at his family per se, but he was extremely frustrated. Frustrated that they didn’t respect his wishes to be single, his contentedness with where his life was financially, and his happiness at where his career was going. It was frustrating that they seemed to want to measure his worth by how big a family he wanted, or how soon he was starting on it. Derek wasn’t one of those people who went out and got things for himself, he was the person that waited for an opportunity to fall on his lap. That included a significant other. 

He’d be damned if this didn't seem like one of those opportunities. The guy’s craigslist ad had an email and a phone number tacked onto the bottom, with a request for San Francisco area inquiries only. Good thing Derek’s family lived in Palo Alto. 

He found himself typing up an email to the 25-year-old felon. It was oddly professional, and as he wrote it, he realized how weird it was that he was responding. He continued his email anyways. 

_To whom it may concern,_

_I stumbled across your Craigslist ad today and would like to offer you a temporary position as my boyfriend this Christmas. My name is Derek Hale (link to my employee profile below) and I am a 32-year-old accountant. I will be spending this Christmas with my family in Palo Alto, and I am chronically single. In order to avoid the awkward, “When are you going to find a nice person to settle down with?” talk, I would love it if you could accompany me to my family reunion. This would be a two-day excursion (the 24th and 25th). You would be able to stay in my childhood bedroom (you get the bed, I get the blow up mattress), and all meals would be provided. My family is aware of my bisexuality, so no “coming out” will be necessary.  
To accept, please respond and I will provide the days, times, address, and other relevant details.  
If you have an issue with being in a fake relationship with another male or staying for more than one day, that is completely understandable; however, I hope to hear back from you. _

_Cordially,  
Derek Hale ___

__

__He linked his employee profile and added his phone number and email, then pressed send before he could think about it too hard. He blankly stared at the screen as a little message icon popped up, letting him know that his message had been sent. Then he panicked and texted Erica._ _

__**Please tell me that I didn’t just do what I think I just did.** _ _

__Only ten seconds elapsed before he got a response._ _

__**Oh my god you totally contacted Craigslist dude, didn’t you?** _ _

__Seeing Erica’s typed reply made it even more real, and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach._ _

__**This is going to be really, really bad.** _ _

__Even before she responded, he knew exactly what she was going to say. It didn’t make him feel any better._ _

__**This is going to be really, really hilarious.** _ _

__

__

__The response he got back after a day of anxious sweating and nervous baking was extremely cordial:_ _

__

___Derek,_ _ _

___Thanks for reaching out! I would love to join you for Christmas, and I hope we can finally get your family off of your back! Your offer of your childhood bed was sweet, but I think I’d rather the air mattress ;) Let me know what kind of food I should bring.  
If you would like, we can meet beforehand, but if not, that’s fine too!  
Also, feel free to text me! Email is sort of formal, don’t you think?_ _ _

___Best,  
Stiles_ _ _

__

__Derek stared at the email for a while, eyes flicking back to the name a few times. Stiles. It was an odd name, but Derek kind of liked it. He tried the name a few times, liking the way it rolled off of his tongue. “Stiles and Derek. Derek and Stiles.” He smiled contentedly to himself, satisfied that their names even sounded good together. Then he pulled out his cell phone and texted the number at the end of the email. He pondered for a moment what to type before settling on something simple._ _

_**_This is Derek Hale._** _

__The response came not a minute afterwards._ _

__**Hi Derek! This is Stiles! I’m excited to trick your family with you! Would you like to meet up soon? Christmas is only a few weeks away and we need a cover story that would be easier to make in person than over text or email :)** _ _

__**Sure. Where would you like to meet?** _ _

__**Well I live in Beacon Hills, where do you live?** _ _

__**North side of San Fran** _ _

__**Awesome!! How about we meet in that Soma coffee shop on 8th? When would be good for you?** _ _

__**Wednesday, 5pm?** _ _

__**Can you do 4?** _ _

__**Yes** _ _

__**Excellent! It’s a date :)** _ _

__Derek stared at the texts for an indeterminate amount of time, wondering why any human would need to use that many smiley faces and exclamation points. He set the phone down, sighing low and deep. Wednesday, 4pm. He could do this. Definitely. He could definitely do this._ _

__

__

__Derek checked his watch as he left the elevator, picking up his pace as he realized that he only had ten minutes to get to the coffee shop. He lamented the fact that he didn’t have time to stop by his apartment and change out of his work clothes, but since Stiles wanted to meet at 4 instead of 5, that left him with almost no time to get there. He skidded to a stop in front of the coffee shop with two minutes to spare, and he pushed through the glass door, looking around the shop. He faltered as he realized that he had no clue what Stiles looked like, and they didn’t talk about a way to recognize each other. He continued to sweep the shop with his gaze, though he was stopped by a hand tapping on his shoulder._ _

__“Derek?” A voice said, and Derek turned around. His eyes met light brown ones, wide and hopeful. “Whoa. You’re way hotter in real life,” he breathed, and Derek wasn’t sure if the other man meant to say that aloud._ _

__“In real life?” He asked instead._ _

__The man’s cheeks reddened. “Your employee profile on the website. It has a small photo of you from some company thing. That’s how I recognized you.”_ _

__“Oh,” Derek nodded, at a loss. “So I’m guessing you’re Stiles?”_ _

__“Oh yes,” the man agreed quickly. “Come sit with me,” he led Derek towards a booth in the back of the shop, where it was very lit from a skylight. They sat opposite of each other, and Stiles pulled out his phone. “Sorry, I just need to text my friend that you made it and that we’re in a public place. He thinks you’re a pervert, even though I’m the one who put up the ad.” Stiles paused and slid his eyes to Derek’s. “You’re not a pervert, are you?”_ _

__“No!” Derek responded, and Stiles seemed satisfied with his answer, tapping away at his phone screen. Derek took the opportunity to study the man he was going to take home to his parents. Stiles was quite beautiful for a man, with pale skin and dark beauty marks and full lips. He had a lean frame, and the sleeves on his button-up were pushed up so that Derek could see sleeves of tattoos winding their way up his arms. He was graceful in the way he moved, he licked his lips a lot, and his eyelashes fluttered with his eye movement. His eyebrow quirked up at Derek once he finished his text message._ _

__“So. Derek. Nice to finally meet you. I see you even dressed up for the occasion.” Stiles gestured to his outfit._ _

__Derek fiddled with the buttons of his suit jacket, flustered. “Oh no, this is what I wear for work. You’ll have to excuse me, I just came from there.” He felt completely self-conscious. He was wearing a dark blue suit jacket with matching slacks and a light blue button-up underneath that he knew had pit stains on it from his speed walking and anxiety. His tie felt too tight, and he loosened it._ _

__“It looks good,” Stiles said easily. “Sorry for meeting so early, I couldn’t do 5 since that’s the start of my shift. So, what do you want out of me? The perfect boyfriend? A guy your family doesn’t approve of? The worst boyfriend ever so your family stops bugging you to find another one?”_ _

__Derek thought for a moment. The fact that Stiles was a stripper, if his Craigslist ad was to be believed, would already ruffle some feathers. Not to mention the little detail that he had been in...jail? Prison? Being a felon meant a lot of things, but whatever he did, that would probably not impress his family either. “I...think your history that you detailed in your ad will suffice. My family would go crazy knowing that I’m dating a felon who strips and works at a bar.”_ _

__“Because you’re a good, tidy little son who can do no wrong?” Stiles asked, but his voice was teasing and his smile was easy. Derek blushed as an answer, and that only made Stiles’s smile widen. “Figured. Now, let’s talk details. I have our whole backstory. We met at my bar while I was working. Do you go to bars, Derek?” He asked, and Derek nodded._ _

__“My friend Erica drags me to them.”_ _

__“Perfect! We met at my bar, it’s called Grady’s, and I started hitting on you. Sound like something that happens a lot?” Too much, in fact. Derek grimaced and nodded. “I can see by your expression that you don’t like the sound of that, but stick with me, alright? So I was hitting on you, and you were being all gruff and whatnot, but then you realize, wow. This guy is really funny. So you start responding. And we get a little conversation going. And when I get off, we keep the conversation going. And voila! Now we’ve been dating for three months but we’ve kept it on the down-low because neither of us have been in a relationship for a while and we wanted to make sure it would last before we started introducing each other to our friends.” Stiles finally stopped to breathe, looking at Derek with bright eyes. “How does that sound so far?”_ _

__Derek, completely transfixed by the way Stiles moved his hands in large gestures while he talked, just nodded._ _

__Stiles clapped his hands together. “Awesome! So now we’re boyfriends, we made it official on September 15th, you’re totally supportive of my two night jobs and I endure your love of...bowling?” Derek winced. “Soccer?” He shook his head. “Football?” Derek rolled his eyes. “Wait, wait...I’ll get it. Ummmm baseball!” Derek nodded faintly, and Stiles whooped. “What team?”_ _

__“Dodgers.”_ _

__Stiles held his chest, acting as if Derek had just shot him. “Oh. OH, that hurts. Oh god, Derek, I think you just killed this fake relationship before it even started.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Well, I guess we can have one of those cute couple rivalries where you love the Dodgers and I love the Mets.”_ _

__Derek gasped, pretending to be offended. “Get out. We can’t do this anymore.”_ _

__Stiles let out a puff of breath, a wide smile on his face. “Oh my god. Did you just make a joke?” Derek clasped his hands on the table, refusing to meet Stiles’s eye. “Holy crap! I thought you were a robot, dude. We’ll put this whole baseball thing aside, but we were totally opposing teams for Halloween, I’m just saying buddy.” Stiles took a sip from his water bottle and thought for a moment more. “Okay, now I need to know about your family.”_ _

__Derek cleared his throat. It was his time to talk. “Well, there’s my mom and dad, and my older sister Laura, and my younger sister Cora. Laura’s husband Leo. Cora’s boyfriend Hector. My uncle Peter and his wife, Julie. They have twins, Kennedy and Halie. There’s also my uncle Brent, who has three kids, John, Sarah, and Eli. My mom’s mom, Gamma Jody. And my aunt Dodie, who’s married to some dude named Wayne that’s in a band? I don’t know. They have an infant daughter named….Lucy, I wanna say?” Derek finished, watching Stiles as he doodled on a napkin. Upon further inspection, Derek realized that Stiles was actually drawing a family tree._ _

__“Wait so is Peter your mom’s brother, or--”_ _

__“Mom’s twin, actually.”_ _

__“Cool, cool. And what about Brent and Dodie?”_ _

__“Brent is my mom’s brother, and Dodie is my dad’s sister.”_ _

__“Cool,” Stiles said again, finishing the family tree. “I’ll have this memorized by the time we gotta go. When is that, by the way?”_ _

__“We’re doing it the 24th, 25th, 26th, and 27th, but you only have to do the 24th and 25th.”_ _

__“Sounds good,” Stiles said, taking a large gulp of his water. “Do I need to bring gifts?”_ _

__Derek shook his head. “I’ll add your name to mine. And we’ll say we already did Christmas together. You got me a sweater and I got you…?”_ _

__“A bookshelf,” Stiles said easily. “I even have pictures for proof. And as for transportation…”_ _

__“It would be weird if we drove separately, especially since we’re not all that far away. I’ll pick you up Thursday morning.”_ _

__“O-okay,” Stiles said, seemingly caught off guard._ _

__“And I need to know things about you, too,” Derek said quietly. “Like, I know you work at a bar, and where else?”_ _

__“Well, I also work at a bisexual strip bar called “Both Ways.” I’m a dancer there. Hmm, let’s see. My family is deceased, so no worries about remembering them. But my best friend is a man named Scott, who is a vet and looks like a human puppy. I’m also great friends with a girl called Lydia, who is a goddess among mortals and keeps me in line. My parole officer-turned-friend is named Boyd, since I served my time and did my parole. He’s a pretty chill dude. Uh, I do all of my grocery shopping in the middle of the night, since I have insomnia, and I have a problem with authority. You think it’s cute. I do want to get married one day and maybe have children through adoption, as I am one hundred percent gay, have been since I was twelve and thought Danny Phantom was the hottest thing ever. I hate needles, so I pretend a bee is stinging me every time I get a tattoo. I hate it when people get too grabby at work, makes me feel like a piece of meat. I hate politics, don’t believe in religion, and my favorite thing to eat is curly fries.” Stiles said all of this like it wasn’t a big deal, and Derek admired him greatly for it. He figured it was his turn._ _

__“I, uh, have a fear of open water. I almost drowned in the ocean as a child, and I remember it quite vividly. My best friend is Erica, we met in college. I went to NYU and majored in accounting, where I also met my good friend Isaac. My sister Laura is one of my closest friends. I want to get married, I just don’t want my family to pressure me into it. I, uh,” Derek could feel his cheeks burning as he let out more information, “I do yoga on the weekends, and go for daily runs. I love riding trails on my bike, and I only use apple-scented body wash,” Derek blurted the rest, not looking at Stiles._ _

__They were both silent for a moment before Stiles said, “Dude, I really hope I can bring up the apple-scented body wash thing.” When Derek looked back up, he saw that Stiles was grinning madly. It was a good look. “Hmm, is your family religious?”_ _

__Derek shook his head. “We don’t pray at the table or anything.”_ _

__“What kind of Christmas traditions do you guys have? I want to be ready for anything.”_ _

__Derek took a second to think. “Well, we have a secret santa gift exchange, since getting everyone a gift is expensive and tiring. We also play a lot of outdoor games and have a sort of tournament between family members. It can get pretty intense, but it’s always fun. You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to, sitting out isn’t looked down upon.”_ _

__“Okay. What about PDA? What are you comfortable with? It’s great to set up parameters now. And whatever we decide can always change, I’m a full-consent kind of guy.”_ _

__Derek considered. “Personally, I’m okay with PDA. I’m pretty big on contact, like sitting against each other and hands on thighs.”_ _

__“Kissing?” Stiles asked._ _

__“If the occasion calls for it.”_ _

__“Okay! And then lastly, what food should I bring?”_ _

__Derek looked at his earnest face like he was crazy. “You’re doing me a huge favor, you don’t have to bring anything.”_ _

__Stiles gasped loudly, drawing the attention of a nearby table. “What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn’t bring any sustenance for your family?”_ _

__Derek rolled his eyes. “A fake one.” He had a feeling Stiles was like this all the time. “You don’t have to bring anything, Stiles,” he repeated._ _

__“Fine. I’ll bring pączki. No one hates pączki.” Derek had no clue what the boy was talking about, but he nodded his head anyways. “So we go into the hornet’s nest, pretend to be ever-so-in-love, and then amiably break up in a few weeks or months.” Derek nodded his confirmation. “Well, I guess that’s it! I’ll text you my address later, and you text me when you’re going to pick me up.” Stiles stood and held out his hand, and Derek shook it. “Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Hale.” His smile turned wicked. “This is going to be a great Christmas.”_ _

__

__**Don’t freak out, but I’m bringing someone to Christmas.** _ _

__**Derek don’t mess with my emotions like this** _ _

__**I’m serious.** _ _

__**Oh my god! What’s their name??? Do I know them??????? Are they staying the whole weekend???????????????** _ _

__**Chill with the question marks. His name is Stiles, he’s only staying Thurs-Fri. You better not scare him away, Laur.** _ _

__**Best behavior. Promise.** _ _

__**I’m so happy for you, little bro** _ _

__

__

__Stiles’s legs were jittering as Derek pulled up to his parent’s house in his camaro. Earlier, they had considered Stiles driving them in his beat-up jeep, but ultimately decided it would be too cold out. Since the moment Derek picked Stiles up, he had been constantly in motion, either tapping his fingers on his thigh or knocking his knees together or bouncing his legs. He fiddled with the radio a lot, which Derek didn’t really care much about. He knew it just meant that the man was nervous. Plus, apparently, he had ADHD._ _

__The man was clutching his phone, which had newly-taken pictures of Derek and Stiles together on it. Stiles had texted him beforehand, telling him to bring some photo outfits. They got a picture on Stiles’s tripod of them in their “Halloween costumes” smiling and playing, a few selfies, and even some outdoor shots, all in different outfits. They even had one from their makeshift “Thanksgiving,” where stiles made some turkey sandwiches very quickly, pulled out some pots and a crockpot, and took a picture of them toasting some champagne. Derek had actually been impressed with the thought that went into each one._ _

__Derek got out of the car, pulling his cookies from the backseat as he watched Stiles do the same with the pączki (apparently pączki is some kind of weird polish donut dessert, who knew?). They shared a look and began the short trek to the front door. There were a lot of cars parked around their place, and Derek figured they were the last to arrive. Derek pushed the door open and they walked through the threshold, and almost immediately he was assaulted by his Laura and his mom._ _

__“Derek!! It’s been too long,” Laura said, taking the cookies from him, setting them on a side table, and throwing her arms around him. He carefully hugged her back, extremely aware of her very pregnant belly. She pulled away, looking at the figure standing slightly behind him. “And this must be Stiles.” Derek watched her assess him. Stiles was wearing another button-up, this one a soft dark red that complimented him and hugged his frame. His sleeves were pushed up again to reveal his many tattoos, and his jeans and shoes were slightly too worn. Personally, Derek thought he looked really nice. When he looked at his mom, he could tell she was caught on his sleeves of tattoos._ _

__Laura pulled Stiles into a hug, and Derek watched amusedly as Stiles tried to maneuver between Laura’s belly and his box of pączki while still trying to hug her back. “It’s so nice to meet you,” she said, eyes shining brightly. “This is the first time Derek’s ever brought someone to a family event.”_ _

__“That’s because you all do this,” Derek grumbled, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs. He grunted with pain._ _

__Laura just laughed. “C'mon, Stiles, everyone's so excited to meet you!”_ _

__Stiles threw a smile over his shoulder at Derek. “Hear that, babe? Your family's excited to meet me!”_ _

__Derek rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. He actually almost forgot that his mother was still standing there. Almost._ _

__“He seems nice,” she said. Derek waited for it. He didn't have to wait long. “He sure paid a lot for those...sleeves, didn't he?” She was trying to look casual, but Derek can feel the backhanded comment like a slap. He was glad Stiles wasn't here to hear it._ _

__“Really, Mom? That's kind of rude. Actually, that's really rude to say. Stiles has those tattoos because they mean something to him. And I find them particularly attractive.” Derek picked up the cookies from the side table. “I bring someone home and the first thing you do is insult them?”_ _

__His mom looked flustered, which wasn't an emotion he was familiar with seeing on her face. “I want to have a good Christmas, Mom. Now let's go in there.”_ _

__She swallowed and nodded, and he walked through the house to the living room slash kitchen area to a chorus of his family's greetings._ _

__“Derek, hello nephew! Stiles was just telling us about the time he got mad at you and put your apartment up on Craigslist!” Peter laughed, clapping Stiles on the back. Stiles made his way over to Derek and wrapped his arm around his neck, pressing their bodies together._ _

__“I was telling them how mad you were after you got over your original confusion. Remember how many people called!?” Stiles’s face was incredibly close to his, and the man laughed like he was actually reminiscing, Derek could almost believe it._ _

__Derek managed to crack a smile, though it was more because of Stiles's infectious laughter than anything he was actually saying. “We were both just so mad,” he shook his head. “Did he tell you that he offered me up as a bonus to the apartment?”_ _

__That really got the family going. Peter actually looked impressed. “No, he neglected to add that bit of information.”_ _

__“Oh my God, I totally forgot!! I advertised him as the live-in cooking and cleaning!” Stiles guffawed, leaning hard against Derek as he laughed. Derek was painfully aware of how warm Stiles felt against him._ _

__“You did not,” Cora said, but there was a gleam in her eyes that said that she totally hoped he did._ _

__“I totally did,” Stiles said, grinning madly. “Derek was livid.”_ _

__“What were you even mad at him for?” Laura asked, mirth in her eyes._ _

__Stiles blushed, honest-to-god blushed, and Derek didn’t know that Stiles was an actor along with a bartender. “He left his wet towels on the floor again, and I stepped in the water with socks on.” The confession was met with rowdy laughter from his entire family, and Derek felt himself blush, too._ _

__“Oh my god, that’s so Derek!” Cora laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you did that!”_ _

__Stiles shrugged, obviously embarrassed. “I was pretty mad in that moment. And Derek’s face during that first call? Priceless.”_ _

__Derek shook his head. “Is lunch being made? Is the turkey basted? Come on, people, we’re on a schedule.”_ _

__Peter laughed, clapping Derek on the back. “Derek here’s trying to save his relationship more embarrassment. Let’s indulge, shall we?” He gestured widely to the rest of the family, which really only consisted of Derek’s aunts and uncles: his cousins were running around outside somewhere or other._ _

__His aunts immediately took the cue, heading into the kitchen to finish fixing up some food, while his uncles made their way outside to join his father, who had apparently decided to deep-fry the turkey this year._ _

__“What about us?” Stiles turned to Derek. “What can we help with?”_ _

__“Oh no no no,” Laura said, grabbing Stiles by the arm and dragging him further into the living room. “We are going to get to know you. No work, you’re a guest.” Stiles opened his mouth and Laura held up a finger. “Ah. No arguing. Derek’s never brought anyone home, and we’re going to get to know you. He’s obviously taken by you if he’s bringing you to a family event, and a holiday no less!”_ _

__Stiles laughed, a small smile on his face. “Well, I’m honored. Derek talks about you all a lot, actually.”_ _

__Laura sat down on the couch, pulling Stiles down with her. “Does he now? Good things, I hope?”_ _

__“Oh yes, of course,” Stiles said, mock seriousness in his tone. “All your childhood misadventures and what a good little boy he was. So all good things.”_ _

__Laura threw her head back and laughed. “Oh god, he’s so much better than I ever could have imagined, Derek. Keep him.”_ _

__Derek felt his cheeks flush and he avoided eye contact. “Oh, I uh, I...plan to,” he stuttered out, and Stiles leaned forward to grab Derek’s hand and yank him forward, almost onto his lap. Derek sat obediently, letting Stiles play with the hair on the back of his neck._ _

__He linked his ankles with Stiles’s, trying to make it seem like they sat like that often._ _

__“Tell me, Laura, are you a Dodgers fan like Derek?”_ _

__Laura wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I’m more of a Giants fan myself since Leo likes them,” she shrugged. “But the only time I really watch baseball is when Derek used to play.”_ _

__“Giants? God, this family needs help,” Stiles groaned, “but not why I asked. I needed to know if this was a lion’s den or not. Because Derek is a Dodgers fan, and it almost ruined our relationship. I wouldn’t be able to stay if everyone in this house was like him.” Stiles said it with fake animosity, leaning over to press his cheek to Derek’s._ _

__“Did you really almost break up?” Laura asked, looking between the two of them._ _

__Derek chuckled a little at the question. Laura was asking if they almost broke up when they weren’t even dating in the first place. Stiles must have seen the look on his face because he jumped in. “No, not really. But we had some words.”_ _

__“We refuse to watch the Dodgers-Mets game together,” Derek mentioned, looking at Stiles._ _

__“True.” He turned to Laura. “I had it DVR’d and I had to delete it so we wouldn’t worry my neighbors.”_ _

__“Speaking of neighbors, where do you live Stiles? Are you and Derek close?”_ _

__“Oh, yeah. I’m about a twenty minute drive from Derek’s place, I live in Beacon Hills.”_ _

__Leo walked into the room and Laura immediately perked up. “Leo! Stiles here is a Mets fan.”_ _

__Leo laughed, sitting next to Laura. “With Derek being the Dodgers’ number one? I can’t imagine how that goes,” he looked between the two of them._ _

__Stiles just laughed, and Derek could feel the rumble against his chest. “It’s definitely a thing we’ve had to talk through, but we kind of made it our joke.” Derek watched as Stiles pulled out his phone and scrolled through his camera roll, then handed the phone to Laura. “Halloween,” he gave as an explanation._ _

__Laura laughed delightedly. “I love this! Oh, and Derek, your smile is so big. Leo, look at how cute they are!” She showed the picture to her husband, and he smiled at it, more indulgent than actually interested. It didn’t bother Derek in the slightest, though. Not that it should. Him and Stiles aren’t an actual couple._ _

__“Thanks,” Stiles said, taking his phone back when Laura offered it. “Oh my gosh. You know what? I need to finish with the pączki! Do you guys have a microwave?”_ _

__“We have two!” Laura said._ _

__“C’mon, I can help you,” Derek said, standing. He grabbed the bag that had the pączki in it from where it was left by the entrance and nodded his head towards the kitchen. Stiles took the cue and hugged Laura._ _

__“I can’t wait to hear all about Derek’s embarrassing childhood stories!” Derek started pulling him away. “I’m sure there’s a lot of them!” He said as he was being dragged to the kitchen._ _

__“You’re the worst,” Derek murmured._ _

__“But you loooooove me,” Stiles sung, a playful smirk dancing on his face._ _

__“Oh, shut up,” Derek said, but he had a wide smile on his face. Maybe when this was all over, they could be friends. Derek felt comfortable around Stiles, and he thinks that the man would absolutely love Erica. He led them to a small counter, out of the way of everyone else in the kitchen, and set down the pączki. “Now what do you need from me?”_ _

__Stiles rubbed his hands together, pulling things out of his bag. He opened the lid of a container and sighed with relief. “Oh good, it’s still pretty cold. Derek, get me something I can microwave these on.” Derek complied and watched as Stiles wrapped little balls of dough in paper towel that he brought, then placed them on the plate Derek brought for him. He put them in the microwave and got out another container, this one full of what looked like granulated sugar. Stiles stopped to wash his hands, Derek following suit, before he took the dough from the microwave and started rolling it in the sugar, and Derek followed his lead._ _

__“So Derek,” Cora said, sliding up on the opposite side of the counter, “how did you two meet?”_ _

__She had a mischievous glint in her eyes, mirth dancing in them. “Stiles loves telling the story,” Derek said when he drew a blank on the cover story Stiles made for them, and Stiles nudged him playfully._ _

__“It’s only because he gets embarrassed,” Stiles said conversationally, a smirk on his face. “But Derek had been dragged to the bar I work at, one of my two jobs, by Erica. He really wasn’t feeling it that night, I could see it in his face, but damn did I think he was cute. So I started flirting with him, you know? Like any self-respecting guy trying to find a boyfriend would do. And Derek, well...Derek wasn’t having any of it.”_ _

__Cora laughed. “That sounds like Derek. So how’d you make him listen to you?”_ _

__Stiles huffed, continuing to roll the dough. “Well, I was my usual charming self, and--”_ _

__“You mean sarcastic self,” Derek cut in, nudging Stiles._ _

__“Same difference. So I was being my funny, adorable,” he shot a look at Derek, “charming self, and Derek was totally into it. So once I got off from my shift behind the bar, I joined him for a drink, made him laugh, asked him on a date, and the rest is history.” Stiles smiled at Derek._ _

__“Speaking of history,” Uncle Peter walked in from the back porch door, “how long have you two been a thing?”_ _

__“Mid-September,” Derek answered before Stiles did. “It’s been three months.”_ _

__“Three wonderful months,” Stiles corrected, bumping his side against Derek’s._ _

__“Three wonderful months,” Derek echoed. He wondered what it would actually be like, dating someone like Stiles. Kissing his soft-looking, probably warm, lips; wrapping his arms around his lithe body to stop his flailing; staring into his eyes as their back arched, both of them jer--_ _

__“How is Derek? As a boyfriend, I mean. We’ve never seen him too affectionate towards non-family members,” Peter mentioned, making Derek’s face heat up._ _

__“Peter!”_ _

__“Well,” Stiles drawled, leering at Derek, “he definitely gives me what I need.” He leaned into Derek, close but not too close, and Derek realized that Stiles was giving him an invitation to kiss him. Immediately, he appreciated how much Stiles wasn’t pressuring him at all, or making it look odd to his family, and Derek leaned in the rest of the way to press his lips to Stiles’s._ _

__He was right: they were definitely warm._ _

__“Derek, pączki, please,” he held out his hand, and Derek placed the ball into it. He watched as Stiles pulled out an icing bag and began poking holes in the pączki, pipetting paste into them._ _

__“What are you putting in there?” Derek asked._ _

__“Fillings,” Stiles simply said. “I have prune, apricot, raspberry, and strawberry.” Derek must have made a pretty obvious face of disgust, because Stiles smacked him on the arm. “Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.”_ _

__“Oh? And when will that be, hmm?” Derek asked._ _

__“Open up!” Derek only had time to open his mouth to ask why when a pączki ball was shoved into his mouth. Being the size of a baseball, it almost fell right back out, but he managed to shove the rest into his mouth before that happened._ _

__“Oh. Oh, damn. That is really good,” Derek said, swallowing the thick dough._ _

__“They’re even better fresh,” Stiles shook his head, “but I didn’t want to intrude on the kitchen.”_ _

__“Mmm no, good as is,” Derek hummed, still savoring the taste in his mouth._ _

__“Are you sure, Mr. Grimace-At-My-Wonderful-Fillings?” Stiles teased, eyebrows raised in false seriousness._ _

__“I’ll never question your judgement again, dear,” Derek promised flippantly, knocking their hands together._ _

__“Aw, they’re so cute!” Laura said as she walked in the kitchen, catching the end of their pączki making._ _

__“Turkey turkey turkey!” Derek’s dad chanted as he entered the house through the back door in the kitchen, holding the boiler above his head. “Is everything else ready?”_ _

__“I think so,” Julie said in her soft, high voice, looking around the kitchen to confirm. It seemed like everyone else was too, and Derek watched the familiar dance of his family arranging the dining table. He grabbed some corn and put it out and saw that Stiles was placing his pączki on the counter near the other desserts, then glued himself to Derek’s side. The rest of the family, after getting big plates of food for their kids and setting them up in the living room on folding chairs and a card table, chose their seats, Derek strategically putting himself and Stiles between Laura and Leo and Cora and Hector._ _

__“Let’s eat,” his mom said, and everyone dug in. Their Christmas Eve lunch was much-anticipated throughout the year, since it was the only time they saw all of the family other than the annual summer barbecue._ _

__“When is your grandma coming?” Stiles asked Derek quietly into his right ear._ _

__“She usually comes on Christmas morning, says she doesn’t like sleeping in someone else’s bed,” Derek answered, piling his plate._ _

__“I’ll ask for tips later,” he whispered back._ _

__They all ate, spattered conversations here and there, before Derek’s mom cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Stiles. Derek braced himself._ _

__“So Stiles, Derek mentioned that you work two jobs?”_ _

__“Oh yeah!” Stiles said, swallowing his green beans before continuing. “You all probably know that I bartend, since that’s how Der and I met, but I also dance.” The table grew considerably quiet, and Derek placed his hand on Stiles’s thigh in support. Stiles looked completely relaxed, though, sipping on his water serenely._ _

__“Oh, contemporary, ballet, or something else?” Talia asked innocently, and the awkwardness at the table was palpable._ _

__Stiles opened his mouth to answer, but apparently Cora was too mortified for him. “No Mom, he dances.” She tried to end the situation there, but Talia still wasn’t getting it._ _

__“Right, and I asked him what kind of dancing he does,” she said, confused._ _

__“Mrs. Hale, to put it quite vulgarly, I’m a stripper,” Stiles said nonchalantly. The table was so quiet you could hear a fly land. The only sound to be heard was the kids chattering happily in the next room. “In the business, we call it dancing. Less of a stigma.”_ _

__There was silence for a few more seconds. “And Derek…has no problem with that?” His aunt Dodie asked, looking between the two of them._ _

__“No, actually, I don’t,” Derek deliberately moved his hand from Stiles’s thigh to his hand, which was resting on the table, so that his whole family could see the gesture. “Stiles enjoys what he does and I support whatever he wants to do. He makes a good living dancing, and I will support him until he decides he doesn’t love it anymore.” He rubbed his thumb along Stiles’s knuckles, and Stiles smiled at him. It wasn’t gratitude, and Derek knew that Stiles was doing just fine by himself, but the smile was one of...fondness? Whatever it was, it softened the man’s face considerably._ _

__“Even though other men and women leer at him all day?” His uncle Brent said, not meanly, and Derek shrugged._ _

__“I’m not immune to jealousy, I’m big enough to admit that,” he looked at Stiles and smiled sheepishly, “And yes it’s totally new to me, but it’s Stiles’s body and livelihood, so it’s his choice.”_ _

__“I didn’t know men could be strippers,” his mother said with disdain._ _

__“I work at a bisexual club,” Stiles said. “We have many male dancers. The dancing scene has gotten considerably more versatile as the years have passed and people can be more open about their sexualities,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Derek, and Derek couldn’t help but grin back at him. Stiles stood and pushed his chair in, wrapping his hand around Derek’s neck. Derek tried not to shiver. “Bathroom. Be right back,” he pressed a kiss to Derek’s hair and walked towards the hall bathroom, far from the dining room. Derek realized that Stiles’s exit was intentional, and it gave him a great opening._ _

__He took advantage of the moment. He glared at his family, clenching his fists to get into the role. “Really, guys? Really?” They had the decency to look ashamed. “I bring my boyfriend home for Christmas--the _first_ person I’ve brought home since Paige--and you insult him? You tell him men can’t be dancers? You ask _me_ if I have a problem with _his_ dancing? _In front of him?_ How ignorant do you have to be? Do you want to live your life like that? Insulting people because you don’t like their profession? Their clothes? Their tattoos?” He looked at his mom, then continued scanning the table. “Stiles is the kindest, funniest, sweetest man I know. He cares about me! And out of everything, you choose to judge him on his job? Shame on you.” _ _

__Derek stood, throwing his napkin on the plate. “And if he wants to leave, we’re gone, you hear me? And I’ll never bring him here again.”_ _

__“Derek--” he heard someone start, but he continued walking towards the hall bathroom._ _

__Stiles was standing in the doorway, smiling at him. “That was pretty fucking awesome,” he said, punching Derek’s shoulder. “You didn’t tell me you could act.”_ _

__Derek shrugged, grinning a bit himself. “I am actually kind of mad at them, so I just channeled that rage. Plus, what they were saying was pretty shitty.”_ _

__Stiles shrugged, smile never leaving his face. “I’m used to it. Besides, at least they didn’t ask me what I wear when I dance.”_ _

__Derek guffawed. “Please tell me no one’s actually asked that.”_ _

__Stiles’s grin grew. “Oh man, you should’ve seen how hard Scott punched that dude.”_ _

__Derek chuckled. “I would pay to have seen that.”_ _

__Stiles pushed his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels, raising his eyebrows at Derek. “It was pretty great.” He rocked a few more times. “We should probably go back out there. They might think that we’ve left.”_ _

__“We can leave, if you want,” Derek said. “You’ve definitely fulfilled your part of the bargain.”_ _

__Stiles looked at Derek, mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about?” He strutted the few steps to Derek, putting a hand on his chest. “It’s just getting fun.”_ _

__“Hey,” a voice came from the hallway, and Derek and Stiles turned to see Laura and Cora standing in the hallway shyly, looking uncomfortable._ _

__“I’m so sorry about how we were all acting,” Cora said, biting her lip._ _

__“Yeah. Please don’t go,” Laura looked between the two of them. “We really like you Stiles, we want to get to know you better. Please forgive us and our family.”_ _

__Stiles unexpectedly pressed a kiss to Derek’s lips, quick and chaste. He turned to Derek’s sisters, walking towards them. “We’re not going anywhere.” His voice was soft and comforting as he grabbed one hand from each of them and held them to his chest. “We’re here for another day, at least.” He turned back at shot Derek an indecipherable look, then looked back at Laura and Cora. “Now let’s head back into the dining room and finish lunch, yeah?”_ _

__“Okay, yeah,” Laura said, looking relieved, and Stiles gave them their hands back._ _

__“Derek? Honey, you coming?” Stiles asked, and Derek jolted into action. Stiles was a really, really good actor._ _

__The rest of lunch went by pretty well, if you counted awkward silences as a win. Which, Derek did. Stiles continued acting as if nothing had happened, which only made the rest of his family look more embarrassed. Derek really shouldn’t have gotten entertainment and joy out of it, but it was hard not to when his aunts and uncles blushed every time Stiles asked them a question._ _

__To Derek’s credit, he thought he played the dutiful boyfriend very well, trying to pretend -- like Stiles -- that nothing was wrong, and that this kind of treatment was normal. It was sad, because for Stiles it actually was, but it was also pretty damn fun._ _

__Stiles insisted, very loudly, in fact, that he be one of the people washing dishes, so Derek had the pleasure of drying for him, watching Stiles hum to Christmas songs with his tattoos disappearing beneath the bubbly surface of the soapy dishwater. He liked the way Stiles’s shoulder felt against his as they harmoniously worked, plowing through the dishes pretty quickly. When they finished, they joined the rest of the family in the living room, where they had begun wrapping presents and drinking. The kids were somewhere upstairs, playing with their old barbies, cars, and kitchen sets before they inevitably got more the next day._ _

__“What’s happening here?” Stiles whispered to Derek, pressed close to him._ _

__“Oh, I forgot to tell you. My mom’s company does this huge adopt-a-family thing for families living in halfway homes, where they adopt a ton of families and give their kids gifts through donation, and every year my mom volunteers to wrap them. We’ve been wrapping these gifts on Christmas Eve for as long as I can remember.”_ _

__Stiles had a small smile on his face, a nice, real one. “That’s so kind. We can help too, right?”_ _

__Derek shrugged. “I think it would be anti-holiday if we didn’t!” He sat on the floor and yanked Stiles down next to them, chuckling. There was already some eco-friendly wrapping paper sitting near them, along with tape, ribbon, tags, and scissors, so Derek grabbed a toy from the pile and ripped off the tag._ _

__“Now each toy has a tag that says which family and which kid it goes to. We distinguish families through the kind of tag we use, then write the kid’s name on it with a ‘From, Santa.’ Easy enough?”_ _

__Stiles nodded. “Easy enough!”_ _

__They started wrapping and writing names on tags. They quickly found that Derek had much better handwriting, so he wrote as Stiles taped, then Derek added the final ribbon around the package. They were in a nice rhythm when Cora held out some glasses to Derek and Stiles. “Booze, boys?” She asked, looking pleasantly buzzed herself._ _

__“None for us,” Derek said, continuing the ‘Alexandria’ he was carefully writing on his current tag._ _

__“None? You never turn down alcohol, Derek. All of you accountants drink,” Cora winked, shaking the glasses enticingly._ _

__“Nah, Stiles doesn’t drink, so I’ve been laying off lately,” he mentioned off-handedly, allowing himself the little bit of improv. He remembered that Stiles’s ad had mentioned that he could pretend to be drunk, but that he had quit drinking._ _

__“Ah, yes, my fault,” Stiles said, an embarrassed smile on his face. Derek bumped his shoulder with his own, smiling at him._ _

__“Aw, why don’t you drink, Stiles?” Cora asked, obviously a little too affected to understand the social cues of the situation._ _

__“I was an alcoholic,” Stiles said easily, and once again silence befell the Hale family. “Little too much beer here, a lot too much whiskey there, and I wasn’t able to remember most nights. Lost quite a few friends, made a few too many enemies. It wasn’t good.” He put his hand over Derek’s. “Five years sober when I met him, and he’s been so supportive.”_ _

__“I get that,” Wayne said, raising a glass to Stiles and then downing whatever was inside. The family groaned, and the spell of silence was broken._ _

__When they were nearing the end of the presents, some of his family disappeared to bring out the leftovers from lunch so that they could eat them for dinner. Dinner was full of very careful aversions and safe topics, like his mom’s job and how Aunt Dodie’s farm was doing (not well). Stiles was pleasant, chiming in once in a while, but mostly scarfing down leftovers._ _

__At some point after dinner, when everyone was packing the gifts into the back of his dad’s truck, Derek lost Stiles. He couldn’t find him in the garage, the living room, the bathroom, or the kitchen. Then he heard some suspicious squealing from upstairs and climbed to the second floor of the house, where his old bedroom was. In their large playroom, which had a huge window that made it brightly lit, Stiles sat with all of the kids. He had on a tiara and was waving a fairy princess wand around, clicking a button on it so it would periodically light up._ _

__“Sarah, go!” He said, not noticing Derek watching from the wide doorway. In response to Stiles’ prompting, Sarah, who was the oldest at twelve, began playing a repetitive but pretty tune on her recorder. “Halie?” Stiles prompted, and Halie began keeping a beat with a randomly large drum. “Eli, your turn!” He pointed the wand to little Eli, who began clicking buttons on his Poptunes guitar, creating a nice strumming rhythm._ _

__Stiles stood up, wiggling his hips with the music. “Okay, Kennedy and John, show me what you got!”_ _

__Kennedy had a small hand tamborine that she began tapping on, and Stiles counted “One, two, a-one-two-three-four!” And Kennedy and John began singing a version of Joy to the World that honestly didn’t sound half bad. Stiles continued waving his wand around, spinning and making the kids giggle through their instruments and singing._ _

__“He’s good with them,” Derek almost jumped at the soft voice behind him. It was Julie, with Laura and Brent standing behind her, watching the kids play._ _

__“Yeah, yeah he is,” Derek answered back._ _

__

__

__“Are you boys set up okay? Need anything?” Talia asked Derek, worrying her hands in front of her. Derek recognized her gentle approach as an apology, and he smiled softly at her._ _

__“We’re fine, Mom. It’s just one night.”_ _

__“You know, it could be a bit longer. Stiles is welcome to stay as long as he wants.”_ _

__“Is he?” Derek asked. His mom looked like she wanted to say something, but Derek just shook his head and hugged her so she wouldn’t say anything else. “Goodnight, Mom. Merry Christmas Eve.”_ _

__He walked up the stairs to find Stiles at the top, leaning on the banister waiting for him. He smiled bashfully. “I wasn’t sure which room was yours, and everyone seemed a little...tied up.” He nodded towards Cora’s closed bedroom door, where giggles could be heard behind it. Derek scrunched his face up in disgust as Stiles laughed._ _

__“This way,” he gestured, leading Stiles to a room near the end of the hallway: his childhood bedroom. It still had navy and white walls, cream carpeting, and a queen-sized bed. He had loved having this room when he still lived in the house, due to its accessibility to the roof and a bathroom that was just across the hall._ _

__“So this is your bedroom, huh?” Stiles asked, looking around. “Oh, and our bags are already in here!”_ _

__“You can thank Laura for that,” Derek said, looking through his drawers for some sweatpants._ _

__Stiles flopped down on the bed next to his bag, sighing happily. “God, I’m so full. And your sisters are such darlings, I love them. Can I keep them?” He raised his head to look over at Derek, who laughed in response._ _

__“I think they’d be on board with that.” Derek pulled on some pajama pants and started searching for his toothbrush in his suitcase._ _

__“Today was great,” Stiles said, sitting up on the bed, “but tomorrow, I think we should really lay it on them.”_ _

__Derek stared at him questioningly. “Lay what on them?”_ _

__“My past as a prisoner,” he wiggled his eyebrows. “I think they’ll love that.”_ _

__Derek continued staring at him. “Are you sure?”_ _

__Stiles batted his hands, unworried. “As long as you are. They don’t need to know the details. How about this: we bring it up by talking about how we’re wanting to move in together, but want to buy a new place.”_ _

__“Um, what does that have anything to do with you going to prison?” Derek asked, still confused._ _

__“Since I’m a felon, I need permission to move to new locations!” Stiles said, looking excited. “We can mention how hard it’s been because of that!”_ _

__“Wait, you really have to do that?” Derek asked._ _

__“Oh yeah. It also took me too long to regain my driver’s license. They really hate giving ex-cons automotive vehicles and positive identification.”_ _

__“That seems...wrong,” Derek said, thinking about it. What right did the government have denying its citizens driver’s licences? Were they afraid that ex-cons were going to...what? Drive? Did 15-year-olds really have more rights than people who had been to prison? Derek didn’t really know how he felt about that._ _

__“You’re not wrong,” Stiles sighed. “But it is what it is.”_ _

__“And what if my family pries about why you went to prison?” Derek asked hesitantly, trying not to push an issue that Stiles may not want to talk about. He knew that the other man hadn’t mentioned anything about why he was in prison beforehand, and Derek didn’t feel any obligation to that information._ _

__“I’ll just tell them that it’s personal and none of their business, does that sound good?” Stiles asked._ _

__“Definitely,” Derek confirmed._ _

__“And if you’re worrying,” Stiles pointed to him, “I promise it wasn’t first-degree murder, anything involving children or rape, robbery, or drugs. I’m not a bad guy, Derek,” Stiles looked at him seriously._ _

__Derek smiled, comforted by the confession, but not surprised. “I know, Stiles.”_ _

__“Okay, just as long as you know.” Stiles grabbed some blankets and pillows from the bed and began creating a nest on the floor. “Now help me make my bed.”_ _

__

__

__When Derek woke up on Christmas morning, he looked over at the clock to see that it was 6am. He sat up, surprised. Usually by this time, the kids were jumping on everyone's beds, begging for them to wake up since Santa had been there._ _

__He got up quietly, very aware that Stiles…._ _

__...was not there._ _

__He looked at the makeshift bed on the floor a few more times, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Nope, Stiles really wasn't there. When had he left?_ _

__Derek opened his door and heard soft whispers coming from downstairs. He crept to the banister, where Laura and Cora were sitting on the top step. He sat down beside them, about to ask, when Cora put a single finger over her lips and pointed over the banister._ _

__There, seated cross-legged on the floor, children surrounding him, was Stiles. He was telling them a story, his hands and arms flailing as he told his story. Derek leaned in, trying to listen._ _

__“...And so my mom let go of my hand, and I ran into the workshop as fast as I could. A bunch of elves were waiting for me, and they gave me my own elf hat! I got a little wooden hammer and I got right to work making a toy train. I didn't know how, so the elves had to help me.”_ _

__Laura leaned her head on Derek's shoulder and Derek put his arm around her. “Keep him,” she said softly, and they sat there for a while more, listening to Stiles regale his tale of going to the North Pole._ _

__After they had all settled into the living room, ready to open gifts, Stiles pulled Derek aside for a moment. “Your grandma is going to be here any minute, and I need tips,” he said. “We want her to like me, right?”_ _

__Derek nodded. “Definitely. If Gamma Jody likes you, you have the all-clear to say and do literally anything you want.” Derek thought for a moment. “You know, I wish I could tell you something more than this, but just be yourself. If we really are dropping the felon bomb on them, it might not matter much anyway, but just be your usual, charming,” he winked playfully at him, “self.”_ _

__Stiles looked more than a little stressed, for reasons Derek couldn’t quite discern, before he took a deep breath and the weird expression left his face. “Okay, okay. It’ll be fine.”_ _

__“It’ll be fine,” Derek repeated. “Let’s go back in there, it sounds like my grandma just got here.”_ _

__When they walked back, she had indeed arrived. She set down containers of goodies and hugged her grandchildren as they all swarmed her, knowing how much she loved being greeted. She kissed the heads of her kids, and greeted Laura’s bump, and then made her way to Derek knowingly. Stiles looked like he was taking their family dynamic in. Derek could admit that the Hales were very matriarcal, and Gamma Jody was easily the head of the family._ _

__“Derek. We’ve missed you,” she said, kissing his temple as she hugged him._ _

__“Missed you too, Gam,” he chuckled, hugging her back._ _

__“Have you been getting enough sleep?” She questioned, and Derek laughed._ _

__“You bet. Gam, I want you to meet someone. This is Stiles, my boyfriend.” He stepped aside, and he knew that his gam had been waiting to meet Stiles; she had probably heard about him from Talia._ _

__“Hello, Mrs. Hale,” Stiles said almost shyly, smile wide._ _

__“Hello, Stiles.” She looked him over. “Well, I can see why Derek is enamoured with you. Just look at that bone structure! And so skinny! Derek is lucky to have you,” she pulled him in for a hug._ _

__“Oh, no ma’am, I’m lucky to have him,” Stiles returned the hug._ _

__Gamma Jody laughed merrily. “Oh, I can tell that you’re going to be a wonderful addition to this family.” She turned away, looking at everyone else. “Well? Let’s unwrap some presents!”_ _

__

__One they were all seated, the kids ripped into their presents with vigor, squealing and jumping around as they unwrapped toy after toy. New instruments, dolls, cars, electronics, stuffed animals, and books soon replaced the colorfully wrapped boxes, the parents all smiling at their kids’ joy._ _

__“I forgot how fun Christmas is with little ones,” Stiles leaned over to say in Derek’s ear. They were sitting on the floor by the couch, out of the way of the madness._ _

__“Oh yeah? Got some yourself?” He asked teasingly._ _

__Stiles gave him a large, pleased grin. “Nah, but my brother Scott does. I’m a proud godfather to three beautiful children.”_ _

__“Three?” Derek asked, remembering that Scott was Stiles’s best friend, and probably about the same age._ _

__“Well, Scottie’s got a pair of twins who are cute as buttons, but Boyd had a son recently. I got the pleasure of being appointed his godfather. And without a mom, Boyd counts on me to babysit. This year is the kid’s first Christmas.”_ _

__“Sorry you’re missing it for this,” Derek murmured back._ _

__“Nah, I’m not invited to those things. His family gatherings are interesting, and they don’t need another person mussing it all up. I’d rather have my baby James time without the drama.” He nudged Derek with his elbow, nodding his head towards Eli. “That kid with his dinosaur book is something else.”_ _

__Eli was holding the book over his head, making growling noises at everyone. The book was about the size of him, and Derek had to admit it looked quite comical. “He takes after his father, that’s for sure.” Derek glanced over to Brent, who was holding Sarah upside down as he admired her new fuzzy socks, making her scream with laughter. When he looked back at Stiles, the man was wearing that odd look again._ _

__Derek noticed Gam looking at the man, too, consternation written in her features._ _

__

__

__“I really love this table, Mr. and Mrs. Hale. Where did you get it?” Stiles asked with his reheated mashed potatoes halfway to his mouth._ _

__“IKEA, I believe. It’s one of the cherrywood ones,” Derek’s dad said politely._ _

__Stiles elbowed Derek exaggeratedly. “We should get one of these. This is nice.”_ _

__“Oh, are you thinking of moving in together?” Uncle Peter asked. Derek looked at Stiles, his heart rate increasing considerably. They hadn’t talked in detail about what they were supposed to be looking for in a place, and he had no clue what to say._ _

__“Oh yes,” Stiles said amicably. “My place is a dump, located in a very bad area of Beacon Hills, and Derek’s place is too small. Plus, it doesn’t allow pets.”_ _

__Derek looked at Stiles, wondering how he could have known that about his place. Then he realized that they had talked about it on the car ride there. Damn, he had a good memory._ _

__“Are you actively looking?” Laura asked, ever the realtor._ _

__“We’ve been browsing a little, but we haven’t decided whether an apartment or house is better for us.”_ _

__Talia choked on her drink a little. “House?”_ _

__Stiles nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes. We thought, why not?” Derek held in his sigh, knowing that he would get an earful of the ‘moving too fast’ talk when he and Stiles inevitably “broke up.”_ _

__“And I think this table could last us forever, don’t you, dear? How long have you had it, Mr. Hale?”_ _

__“Ten years, I think.”_ _

__“Ten years!” Derek looked over at Stiles, who was having way too much fun with this. “Damn, it’s in such good condition. And they probably still have some in stock, or at least something similar. Der, this table is a must-have.” Stiles turned to the rest of the guests, smiling. “He’s been keeping track of our must-haves, might-haves, and never-haves. An iron trap, that mind is.”_ _

__Derek chuckled, shaking his head but obviously amused by the younger man’s antics. “We’re very excited to find a place. I have to admit, we’d been thinking about it for a while,” he said slyly, giving Stiles an in. Luckily, his family played right into it._ _

__“Why haven’t you done it yet?” Laura asked, jumping at the opening. Her eyes were shining with the excitement of finding them a house._ _

__“Oh, well, I just got granted permission to move,” Stiles said, offhandedly, like he did with his dancing job. Derek admired how well he was able to pull it off without making it a big deal or too obvious._ _

__“Permission?” Leo asked right on cue, looking as confused as the rest of the family._ _

__“Oh yes, with being a convicted felon and all. I needed permission from my parole officer to move residences, as long as I stay in my prescribed geographic area. Derek has been very careful to stay looking within the limits, just another reason why I love him so,” Stiles said, landing a quick kiss on Derek’s cheek._ _

__“Convicted felon?” “Parole officer?” “Prison?”_ _

__Derek wasn’t sure where all of the questions were coming from, so he decided to ignore them all. “Just another challenge of the re-entry of prisoners into society. How long did you say it took you to get your driver’s licence re-obtained?” Derek asked Stiles._ _

__“Almost a year!” He turned to the whole table. “Luckily Boyd, my incredible parole officer, has some pull in the BMV, so he flashed his charming smile and my good behavior record and got me my license and my jeep back. I drive a baby blue that I love so much.”_ _

__Derek’s mother looked absolutely enraged. “Derek, may we speak to you alone, please?” He watched as her face turned a more alarming shade of red as the seconds passed._ _

__“No,” Derek said firmly. “Whatever you want to say, you can say to the both of us.” Derek looked to Stiles to make sure he was okay with Derek’s mom most likely verbally assaulting him, and Stiles just squeezed his hands under the table and gave him a miniscule smile. Oh, it was on._ _

__“You didn’t think this was information we should have known before you brought him here?” She asked, voice already raising in volume._ _

__“Frankly, Mother, it was none of your business,” Derek seethed right back._ _

__Talia slammed her hands on the table and stood. “I think I speak for everyone at this table when I say that we don’t want a convicted felon in our house!”_ _

__“And why not?” Derek asked, rising to challenge her. Stiles stayed seated, but he moved their linked hands to the top of the table so that everyone could see them. Smart._ _

__“Because he’s dangerous!”_ _

__Derek made a cry of battle that he didn’t even know he was capable of. Laura flinched, and Cora widened her eyes at the sound. It was something between a bark of incredulous laughter and a yell of outrage. “You have no right to speak about him that way! You know nothing about Stiles, and you haven’t bothered to learn anything about him all weekend! You took one look at him and decided that he wasn’t worth knowing! How dare you?”_ _

__Talia narrowed her eyes. “I could keep quiet about the tattoos, and the stripping, and the manners. But you have no right to bring a felon into this home!”_ _

__“All he did was bring home his boyfriend, Mom,” Cora said loudly, and immediately the rest of the table exploded. Everyone was speaking over each other, trying to argue what they thought. It was pure chaos._ _

__Stiles stood and put his lips next to Derek’s ear. “I’m going to run out as if I’m upset. I’ll be in the first few yards of the woods, okay?” Derek nodded, and Stiles very obviously knocked his chair back and ran from the dining room table. Everyone silenced just in time to hear the front door slam shut, and they all turned to look at Derek in stunned silence._ _

__Derek stood again, jaw working. “I can’t believe you,” he said quietly, making eye contact with any family member who would dare look at him after that debacle. “You tell me to bring a boy home, and I do, and then all you do is insult him? Insult his job, insult his looks, insult his past? It’s not your place to judge! And how dare you even think about judging him when you don’t know him like I do. Stiles has more integrity, love, and courage in one hair on his head than all of you combined! He is sweet, and funny, and compassionate. And he loves me, and I love him. And as long as you all are acting like complete assholes, if you’d ask me to choose between you and him, I’d choose him every time.”_ _

__Derek circled around his chair and pushed it up to the table. “Pardon my french, Gam, but fuck you all. Stiles and I will be packing our things and leaving.” He then left out the front door as Stiles did, slamming it to finish his dramatic exit._ _

__He met Stiles in the woods, where he found the other man completely alight with excitement. “Oh my god,” he said, “I didn't know what you were saying but I could honest-to-god hear you from all the way out here. How did it feel?” He asked._ _

__Derek grinned. “Pretty amazing.” He grabbed Stiles’s hands. “I’m sorry my mother said all of those things.”_ _

__Stiles rolled his eyes. “Oh please, I’ve heard so much worse. I’m just glad we ended it with a bang.”_ _

__“We did, didn’t we?” They looked at each other for a long, long time._ _

__“Hey, Derek? Thanks for defending me. I know we’re doing this just to piss your family off, but--”_ _

__“Of course,” Derek said. “You don’t deserve any of that.”_ _

__“But you didn’t even know why I went to prison, and you still defended me.”_ _

__“It doesn’t matter why, Stiles. You’re a good person.”_ _

__“Do you care? If I tell you?” Stiles looked up at him, then looked away. “I just...don’t want you thinking I’m a really bad person.”_ _

__Derek gripped Stiles’s hands a little tighter. “You’re always welcome to, but you know I don’t think any less of you either way, right?”_ _

__Stiles chuckled a bit. “Look at me, not wanting a virtual stranger to think I’m a bad person. But then again, I guess we’re more like acquaintances now, aren’t we?”_ _

__Derek smiled. “The best of acquaintances.”_ _

__Stiles smiled a little, then got serious again. “Growing up, it was just my dad and me. My mom got a type of brain cancer and died when I was young, and so he and I only had each other. Five years ago, he got sick, too. And...he didn’t want to put me through losing another parent like that.” Stiles told the story with emotion in his voice, but he looked composed, as if he had told it a lot._ _

__“He was miserable. He used to be a sheriff, you know, and so being so weak and frail...he got depressed, and didn’t want to deteriorate like my mom, you know? Her death was hard on both of us. So when he asked me to help him kill himself, I said yes._ _

__“All he wanted was control over his life, you know? The doctors told him what he could and couldn’t do, what meds to take, what not to eat. He wanted something that was his. He was terminal at that point, his doctor said he had about a year to live.” Stiles laughed bitterly. “The cutoff for the California Life Option Act was six months terminal. But he was ready, and so when the time came, I helped him leave on his own terms.”_ _

__Stiles slipped from Derek’s grip, crossing his arms. “I got out early because of good behavior and prison overcrowding. But I would do it again, a thousand times over, because in those last moments, my dad was the happiest he had been in years.”_ _

__"Stiles. I'm so sorry you had to do that," Derek reached out, expecting Stiles to shy away again, but instead he let Derek wrap his arms around him, Derek's chest to his back. They stood silent for a moment. "It's unfair that everyone judges you for who you are," Derek said quietly._ _

__Stiles chuckled. "Now that's not something new." He pulled away. "Thanks, Derek. These past two days have been a lot of fun."_ _

__Derek returned his crooked smile. "Let's pack up, shall we?" He held out his hand and Stiles took it, both of them marching up back to the house. Derek watched as Stiles wiped the smile from his face and hunched his back a bit more. "A true actor," Derek commented teasingly, and Stiles hit him._ _

__When they entered, they heard yelling, but Derek was quick to pull Stiles up the stairs. “Should we try to defuse the situation?” Stiles asked, but Derek just shook his head and shoved Stiles into his bedroom._ _

__“Pack first, worry about my crazy family later.”_ _

__They had only stayed one night, so it was easy to get all of their things together. They were sneaking down the stairs together (Derek is sure that they looked ridiculous, Stiles over-exaggerating his steps with his backpack cradled to his chest and Derek holding in boisterous laughter, one hand holding his bags and the other on the small of Stiles’s back) when Laura and Cora appeared, blocking their exit._ _

__“Please, don’t go,” Laura said, actual tears in her eyes._ _

__“Mom’s being a real asshole, but we want you to stay! Really, Stiles. It’s so important to us to spend time with someone Derek cares so much about,” Cora added, more earnest than Derek has ever seen her._ _

__For the first time, Stiles was speechless. He looked back at Derek, eyes wide, then shrugged once. Derek gave him an, “Oh shit” look, then turned his sheepish smile to his sisters. “Not gonna lie, this is awkward.” He looked around, then pushed Stiles down the last step. “Here are the keys, go take your stuff out to the car. I’ll be there in a second.” Stiles nodded and ducked past Laura and Cora to escape out the front door. He looked relieved._ _

__“So, uh, Stiles-and-I-aren’t-really-dating,” he said in one big burst. Laura and Cora both gave him blank looks. He looked around again, but the shouting in the other room was so loud, he doubted anyone could hear his confession. “I found him on Craigslist. He was advertising himself as a holiday dinner date and I needed Mom off my back. Having everyone else chill was good too.”_ _

__Laura still looked incredibly confused. “So...he’s an actor?”_ _

__“No! No. Stiles is Stiles. We just faked being in a relationship.”_ _

__“All those pictures…” Cora said._ _

__“Faked right before we came here,” Derek said._ _

__“And the stories?” Laura asked._ _

__“Fabricated. Stiles is great on the spot.”_ _

__“The prison time and stripping job--” Cora started._ _

__“Are both real. I was just lucky to stumble upon someone who is literally Mom’s worst nightmare,” Derek shrugged. “Look, I hope it doesn’t hurt you two, I never wanted to do that. Stiles was just here to play a part, and to play over Mom and Dad. We’ll amicably ‘break up’ in a few weeks, just in time for the new year. And hopefully Mom will never bother me about getting a partner ever again, and I can do it on my own time.”_ _

__His sisters still looked stunned and upset. He looked out the window and saw that Stiles was waving at him from the car. “Look, I gotta go, But call me, okay? I’m sorry.” He went out the door, throwing his bags in the back of the car before getting into the driver’s seat. He gripped the wheel tightly as he pulled out of the driveway and pressed hard on the gas._ _

__“You okay?” Stiles asked._ _

__Derek nodded, his mouth slowly forming into a grin. He spared a quick glance at Stiles. “That was the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time.”_ _

__Stiles scoffed. “Well, you are an accountant.”_ _

__When Derek broke into a laughing fit, it was half manic, half relief._ _

__

__

__

__Derek absentmindedly opened his phone again and opened his photo app, scrolling through the pictures. One, two, three, four, five. Five, four, three, two, one. He paused on number two his third time through, then continued to repeat his scrolling._ _

__“Derek, I swear to god if you do that one more time I’m going to punch you,” Erica said from the other side of the room. Derek looked up and saw that she already went back to her book. “You have his number you know. You can just text him.”_ _

__Derek sighed and pushed the lock button on his phone before hiding it away. “That’s not how Craigslist encounters work, Erica.”_ _

__She gave him a look from over her book. “I don’t think anyone in the history of ever has had a Craigslist encounter like you have.”_ _

__“I’m not going to text him,” He said._ _

__“Fine. Don’t.” She said, flipping a page. “You’ll just be lonely forever then.”_ _

__Derek tried to find a response, then decided not to dignify her statement with one. To save him from further embarrassment, the doorbell rang and he jumped up from the couch. “I’ll get it.”_ _

__Erica closed her book and stood, stretching a little. “I’ll check on the food,” she disappeared into their kitchen._ _

__Derek opened to door to see Laura and Leo, the latter holding a tray of brownies. “Happy New Year’s Eve!” Laura exclaimed, throwing her arms around Derek. Leo just shrugged and smiled in the background._ _

__“Thanks for hosting,” he said, and Derek pulled him into a hug, too._ _

__“Our pleasure, Leo.” Derek led the two of them inside, taking the brownies into the kitchen for them. Erica ran out into the living room and squealed with Laura for a bit about how big she was getting. The baby would be welcomed sometime in the new year._ _

__Derek joined them again, standing in the doorway. “Cora’s going to be a bit late, she and Hector had to pick something up I think.”_ _

__“Oh perfect! Could you ask them to pick up some champagne? We completely forgot!” Erica said, sticking her tongue out at Derek. Okay fine, he didn’t want to buy it because it was outrageously expensive this time of year, so sue him._ _

__“No problem,” Laura said, already typing out a text on her phone._ _

__Slowly, everyone else arrived. Their mutual friend Isaac, a few of Erica’s friends that Derek vaguely recognized, Erica’s younger sister and her girlfriend, Erica’s youngest sister and a boy she refused to acknowledge as her boyfriend (Derek guessed that they would have no trouble locking lips as midnight struck), an old friend from college named Danny, and Danny’s on-again off-again boytoy Jackson. It was only 10, so Derek wasn’t worried about Cora and Hector yet, but he hoped they would have time to chill the champagne before it hit midnight. Despite his usual antisocial tendencies, he circled around, socializing with everyone and eating and laughing. It had been a long time since everyone had been together, and it was really nice to be able to see them all again, even if it was a little draining._ _

__When the doorbell finally rang to signalize the arrival of what had to have been Cora and Hector, Erica nudged Derek. “Would you get that? Leo asked if there was any more hot sauce for the wings.”_ _

__Derek nodded and made the trek to the door, dodging open drinks and spazzy dance moves. He noticed Laura grinning deviously from her perch on the couch and he immediately felt his stomach stoop a little bit. It never meant anything good for him when his sisters had that look on their faces. He tried to ignore it and wrenched the door open, mouth frozen around a half-formed word as he took in his guests._ _

__Sure, Cora and Hector were there, but they were standing behind a sheepish-looking Stiles. He looked good in a dark blue button-up with the sleeves rolled up, thick-rimmed glasses, and a chewed-on bottom lip. He was holding up two bottles. “I heard you might need some champagne?”_ _

__Derek looked to Cora, astonished, and she just smirked and pushed her way into his apartment. “You’re welcome,” she said as she took the champagne from Stiles. “We’ll leave you two alone for a moment.”_ _

__Stiles chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his arms. “Your sister sure are something else,” he said, biting his lip again. “They got my number off your phone.”_ _

__“Did Cora kidnap you?” Derek blurted, then clapped a hand over his mouth. Stiles looked stunned, then burst out laughing._ _

__“No, but she did give me an ultimatum.” He raised his eyebrows. “Either come with her, or let you be alone for the rest of your life.”_ _

__“Oh, so you decided to be a good Samaritan and follow her to my place?” Derek asked._ _

__“Well, she did say you needed champagne, and I happened to have a few bottles of it. Thought I could help you out one more time.”_ _

__“Only one?” Derek asked. He didn’t dare hope that Stiles might want more than their one little Craigslist Christmas, but then again, the man was on his doorstep._ _

__“You don’t know how many times I wanted to text, or call. Or even email,” Stiles admitted, stepping closer to Derek._ _

__“I’ve looked at those five fabricated pictures of us so many times Erica’s threatened murder,” Derek said back quickly, closing the distance between them. It was Stiles who wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck and pulled Derek’s lips to his, moaning with pleasure._ _

__“I’ve wanted to do that since the moment you teased me about liking the Mets.”_ _

__“You know I’ll never stop doing that, right?” Derek asked._ _

__Stiles smirked. “I’m counting on it.”_ _

__Derek pulled Stiles into his apartment, excited for the year that was to come. He had a feeling neither of them would be alone on Christmas ever again._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I reply to every comment and appreciate every single one of you!


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